Some Important Laws

Following Law's may be forgotten by Newton & Einstein to state

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

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LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

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LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

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LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

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LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

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LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

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BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

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LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

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LAW OF BIO MECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

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THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

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LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

 

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Spices for Cancer Preventation

Change our vision..!!

There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain. He consulted so many physicians and was getting his treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections.

But the ache persisted with great vigor than before. At last a monk who has supposed top; be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire. The monk understood his problem and said that for some time he should concentrate only on green colors and not to fall his eyes on any other colors. The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely; to fall to be painted in green color just as the monk had directed.

When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other color and his eye ache would come back. Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune.

You cannot paint the world green." Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first.

Let’s change our vision..!!

SOME FUNNY DEFINITIONS-3

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
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Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
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Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
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Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
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Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
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Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
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Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
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Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
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Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
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Sit in my Chair...

Must read !!!

A keen immigrant Indian business family lad applied for a salesman's job at a premier downtown department store.

In fact, it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.
 

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes sir, I was a salesman in India ", replied the lad. The boss liked the cute of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And finally 6:00 PM came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?" "Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman. "Only one sale?" blurted the boss. "No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. "If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way "How much was the sale  worth?"

“$236,000" said the young Man.

 

"What"," How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well", said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sell him new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.

So I told him he'd need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer.

I then asked him where he'll be   staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6-sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!"

"No" answered the salesman, "he came in to buy a box of sanitary napkins for his wife and I said to him, "Sir, your weekends screwed anyway, you might as well go fishing."

Boss - "You sit in my chair........”

Organisation

Self Appraisal

Good One - A BEAUTIFUL STORY received from mail.

A little boy went to a Telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store & dialed a number.

The store-Owner observed and listened to the  Conversation: 
Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn? 

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) "I  already have someone to cut my lawn."

Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is  presently cutting my lawn.

Boy: (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the floor & the stairs of your house for free.
Woman: No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little  boy end call with thank you.

The Store-owner, who was listening to all this,  walked over to the boy. 

Store Owner: "Son...I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit & would like to offer you a job."
Boy: "No thanks,

Store Owner:  But you were really pleading for one.
Boy: No Sir, I was just  checking my performance at the job I already have. 
I am the one who is  working for that lady I was talking to!"  

This is called "Self  Appraisal"

Cheers Friends!!!

Enjoy the coffe

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress".

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eying each others cups. Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it. Don't let the cups drive you... Enjoy the coffee instead..

SOME FUNNY DEFINITIONS-2

Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
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Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
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Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
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Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
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Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
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Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
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Father:
A banker provided by nature.
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Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
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Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
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Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
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Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

Forwarded Mail from friend

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE    Our Birth is our Opening Balance! Our Death is our Closing Balance! Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities Our Creative Ideas are our Assets Heart is our Current Asset Soul is our Fixed Asset Brain is our Fixed Deposit Thinking is our Current Account Achievements are our Capital Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade Friends are our General Reserves Values & Behavior are our Goodwill Patience is our Interest Earned Love is our Dividend Children are our Bonus Issues Education is Brands / Patents Knowledge is our Investment Experience is our Premium Account The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately. The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award. Some very Good and Very bad things ... The most destructive habit....... .......... ......Worry The greatest Joy......... .......... .......... ....Giving The greatest loss........Loss of self-respect The most satisfying work........ ......Helping others The ugliest personality trait....... .....Selfishness The most endangered species..... ...Dedicated leaders Our greatest natural resource.... ......... ..Our youth The greatest 'shot in the arm'........ Encouragement The greatest problem to overcome.... ......... ..Fear The most effective sleeping pill....... Peace of mind The most crippling failure disease...... .......Excuses The most powerful force in life......... ........... Love The most dangerous act...... .A gossip The world's most incredible computer.... ....The brain The worst thing to be without..... ......... ..... Hope The deadliest weapon...... ........ ........The tongue The two most power-filled words....... ........ 'I Can' The greatest asset........ ........... ........ ....Faith The most worthless emotion.... .......... ....Self- pity The most beautiful attire...... .......... ........SMILE! The most prized possession.. ......... ......Integrity The most powerful channel of communication. ...Prayer The most contagious spirit...... ......... ......Enthusiasm Life ends; when you stop Dreaming, Hope ends; when you stop Believing, Love ends; when you stop Caring, And Friendship ends; when you stop Sharing...!!!

HR Study - Hierarchy can be seen in their eyes

Executive Director

Executive Assistant

General Manager 

Relationship Manager

Auditor

Manager

Manager Assistant

Supervisor

Foreman

Employee

Trainee

Office Assistant

Nothing is Changed…

Nothing is Changed…

Life is same!!!!

20 year back                - School bag.

Today                            - Office bag.

20 years back              - Student Note book.

Today                            - HP Note book.

20 years back              - Hero Ranger.

Today                            - Hero Honda.

20 years back              - Half pants.

Today                            - Full pants.

20 years back              - Scared of Teachers and exams.

Today                            - Scared of Bosses and targets.

20 years back              - Wanting to be class topper.

Today                            - Wanting to be 'Employee of the month'

20 years back              - Quarterly exams.

Today                            - Quarterly results.

20 years back              - Annual School Magazine.

Today                            - Company Annual Report.

20 years back              - Annual exams.

Today                            - Annual appraisals.

20 years back              - Pocket money.

Today                            - Salary. 

20 years back              - Waiting for Diwali crackers.

Today                            - Waiting for Diwali bonus.

20 years back              - Running after grades and prize cups.

Today                            - Running after incentives and promotions.

20 years back              - Craving for the latest toy in the market.

Today                            - Craving for the latest gadget in the market

20 years back              - Eager to watch the latest cartoon show.

Today                            - Eager to watch the latest blockbuster.

20 years back              - Fruity.

Today                            - Whiskey.

20 years back              - Crush on class mate.

Today                            - Crush on colleague.

So essentially nothing has changed!!

Pencil & Eraser

Pencil: I'm sorry Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong. Pencil: I'm sorry because you get hurt because of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time. Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad. I found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational. Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way, they get hurt, and become smaller / older, and eventually pass on. Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad. All my life, I've been the pencil. And it pains me to see the eraser that is my parents getting smaller and smaller each day. For I know that one day, all that I'm left with would be eraser shavings and memories of what I used to have.This is to all the parents & their children out there.

  

SOME FUNNY DEFINITIONS-1

SOME FUNNY DEFINITIONS:

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
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Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
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Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
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Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
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Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.. .
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Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
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Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
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Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
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LESSON OF TIME

When a bird is alive… It eat Ants,

When the bird is dead… Ants eat the bird!

Time & circumstances can change at any time…..

Don’t devalue or hurt anyone in life.

You may be powerful today… But Remember,

Time is more powerful than you!!!

One tree makes a million match sticks…

But when the time comes…

Only one match stick is needed to burn a million trees…

So be good and do good always ………..

Engineer Boyfriends

Engineer Boyfriends are the best:

1: Secure lifestyle

An engineer boyfriend can provide you with a secure lifestyle. At 27

years old, an engineer probably has a respectable, stable job that

gives him high income to own a car, invest, have a comfortable life,

and get married and buy a house too. Law graduates are still working

as a lowly apprentice in law firm, most management graduates have just

failed on their first business plan, the arts graduate is still

looking for a job, and the medical school graduate is still living in a hospital.

2: Unmatchable industriousness

An engineer boyfriend will dedicate an unimaginable amount of his time

and effort to understand you. Engineers strain really really hard to

understand their work. You can believe that they will try really

really hard to understand women too, just like how they understand

their work, once they believe that you are the one. So even if they

don't understand you initially, they will keep on trying. Even if they

still do not understand, they will figure out the correct method to

keep you happy ( e.g. buy diamond ring = 1 week's worth of happiness.)


And once they find out the secret formula, they will just keep on

repeating it so that the desired results appear. Unlike the Lawyer who

will argue with you, the Management graduate who will try to control

your spending, the Arts graduate who will 'change major', and the

medical school graduate who will operate on you. And you know what,

it's really so easy to make engineers believe that you are the 'one'.

Say that you like one of their projects and they will be hooked to you forever.

3: An engineer boyfriend will never betray your trust.

Let me first tell you what is wrong with the rest of the others - the

lawyers will lie about everything, management graduates will cheat

your money, the arts graduate will flirt, and you probably just look

like another cadaver to the medical school graduate. Your engineer

boyfriend is either too busy to have an affair, and even if he does,

he is too dumb to lie to you about that.



Hence, an engineer is the most secure boyfriend that you will ever

find - rich enough, will keep on trying to understand and please you,

has no time for affairs, and too dumb to lie to you.

Conclusion: Engineerz rule !

Designations & Definitions

Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

Execution Manager is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

Site Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby in given 9 months.

Planning Manager is a person they don’t need to know the PROCESS and they will make a plan to produce a child with out man and woman.

Procurement Manager thinks they don’t care whether the child can be delivered by the man or women; they will place the order who has quoted less price.

Vendor is a person who always supplies animals and thinks that execution manager can deliver a human baby.

Resource Manager thinking they don’t need a man or woman; they will produce a child with zero resource.

Quality Manager is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.

Safety Manager is the person who always insists use the protection aids during the PROCESS to produce the baby with out knowing the PROCESS.

Documentation team thinks they don’t care whether the child delivered or not, they will document 9 months.

Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce the baby.